West LA Times

A recent study conducted by sociologists at UCLA has revealed that the usage of the word "please" does not always signify respect or politeness. The research found that "please" was used only 7% of the time, predominantly in situations where there was an inhospitable interactional environment to overcome.

Contrary to common belief, the word "please" is not universally indicative of politeness but serves as a strategic tool to manage frictions or obstacles among family members, friends, and coworkers. The study, published in Social Psychology Quarterly, discovered that people use "please" less frequently than anticipated and primarily when they anticipate a negative response.

The study's lead author, Andrew Chalfoun, a graduate student studying sociology at UCLA, stated: “Any generic rule – like saying 'please' and 'thank you' – doesn’t take into account the specific situation and may not always indicate respect or politeness. It may also not be very effective.” Chalfoun further noted that using "please" could potentially be detrimental in certain contexts, running the risk of sounding pushy or dubious about another’s willingness to help.

The researchers analyzed words, facial expressions, and behaviors observed in 17 hours of mostly informal conversations recorded on video among family members, friends, and coworkers. Out of more than a thousand distinct “request attempts” observed in these interactions, "please" was used only 69 times. In about half of these instances where someone asked for something with "please," it was because the person they were addressing had already indicated their unwillingness to act as requested or had previously refused.

The study suggests that teaching prescriptive principles such as using "please" and "thank you" should be replaced with teaching sensitivity towards situational particulars. By observing how politeness functions in everyday life, the team aims to provide researchers with better models for understanding social behavior dynamics.